“I recently started having a FWB [friends with benefits] relationship with a guy I met not too long ago. Whenever we get together we use condoms the first couple times but after a while it becomes tedious and we just start pulling out. Is this safe or could I be at risk for getting pregnant?”
Pulling out becomes more and more risky the more frequent sex occurs. From the sounds of it, you stop using condoms and start pulling out all in the same sex filled night. This could be incredibly risky if you’re not ready for a bun in your oven because the more often a man ejaculates, the more likely his pre-come will have sperm in it. This means that although he may not finish inside of you, he could still let a few little swimmers go before the big finish that could lead to pregnancy. While there are benefits to pulling out like no side effects of other birth control or the fact that it’s free, studies show that 5-20 women out of 100 get pregnant from this method. I would recommend that if you’re not ready to have a little one with this guy, you should use condoms each and every time there’s vaginal penetration. It may be tedious to always suit up, but if you’re not ready for a baby it’s worth it. If condoms aren’t really something you’re interested in using each time, talk to your FWB about other forms of birth control you’d be interested in exploring. With so many options out there, I’m sure you’ll find a much safer method of preventing pregnancy with a much lower risk level.
“What do you think about abstinence only education in schools? Do you think it’s as bad as everyone says?”
This question hits home with me in the hardest way. Most of you don’t know that I myself am actually a peer educator that teaches sex ed on my college campus. Or at least I will be until I graduate Saturday (EEK!). I of course have my own beliefs on sex ed and for my own personal reasons but I won’t be including all those today (you know, professionalism and shit). So here’s a basic answer: knowledge is power. With abstinence only education there is no section on how to properly put on a condom, how to properly use birth control, STI transmission and prevention, or really anything that has to do with actually having sex. If we’re not supplying our youth with medically accurate honest information, how are we expecting them to keep themselves healthy and happy? Now I’m not saying let’s sit down our 12 year olds and teach them to have sex (people think this is actually what I do for a living… seriously…) but I am saying we should sit down our 12 year olds and have a conversation about the changes happening in their bodies and how to deal with them. If you open up the conversation then they’ll feel comfortable talking about it. And if they’re comfortable they won’t end up on the next season of 16 & Pregnant. Now I always (and I mean ALWAYS) get the response of “we’re just putting the idea in their head if we talk about it” and to that I say false. Trust me, they were thinking about sex LLLOOONNNGGG before but they just didn’t know exactly what it was. All sex ed is is clarifying their crazy hormonal thoughts and helping them stay healthy. And a healthy person is a happy person.
Plus, if we as a human race are to abstain from anything, don’t you think the one act that keeps us from going extinct is the worst one to pick?
I received this questions at an anonymous event I did a couple weeks ago. We didn’t get a chance to answer it and it broke my wee little heart so hard I just had to put it on here.
“Is it possible to be in love with two different people of two different genders at the same time?”
I’m going to break this up into two answers:
It is absolutely possible to be in love with one, two, four, sixteen different people at the same time. The feeling of being in love is not something that can be reserved for just one person at a time. That’s like saying you may only be happy from 10-7 on week days and no other time. It’s an emotion that we (sometimes unfortunately) cannot control just like every other emotion we feel. If having a relationship with these two people is something you’re interested in, look into polyamory. It’s a huge community that supports multiple partners in one relationship. It might just be just what you’re looking for.
As far as gender goes, the heart wants what the heart wants. It doesn’t care about what’s between their legs, it cares about how they make you feel. According to studies done over and over, no one person is 100% heterosexual or 100% homosexual. Everyone lands in a grey area and some are just darker than others. So forget the black and white cookie cutter belief of everyone being either gay or straight and that’s it. We’re all a little gay sometimes and a little straight sometimes. It’s normal, even if society says otherwise.
My last piece of advice is this: keep yourself happy. If this mystery man and mystery woman both love you back, go for it. Keep the conversation open and your heart happy. You’ll feel much better in the end.
“Where have you gone? I feel like you don’t care about answering questions anymore.”
My most sincere apologies to those who follow this blog regularly. Most of you don’t know that I’m graduating from NAU in 3 weeks and have to worry about moving 1,500 away as well as some family stuff going on. SET is also moving so work has been nuts and I’m never in my office anymore. I promise I’ll be back soon answering two questions a week, like the good old times. Until then, sit tight and keep sending me questions. I promise I’ll get back to it once this stress wears off a little.
On a positive note, I have FINALLY figured out how to allow questions to be submitted straight from Tumblr. The “Ask me anything!” button is located right under our main title. And, as always, you can as anonymously!
“What is the fastest way to get rid of a hickey? I am heading home soon and need to get rid of this fast or my mom will flip out. PLEASE HELP!!!!”
Unfortunately, and don’t kill the messanger here, there is no magic or fast way to get rid of a hickey. Because it’s a bruise, you’ve just got to wait it out. However, I have heard of people rubbing the hickey, or even combing it with a hair comb to break up the blood pooled under the skin. But these suggestions have no medical or scientific data to back it up so they could just be old wives tales. Of course, there are a range of cover-up options like make-up, shirt collars, and scarves. You can always disguise it until it starts to fade and stops drawing attention.
Chances are, however, that your mom will see the hickey no matter what you do. Moms have a sixth sense for knowing when their children are hiding something. And who knows, she might not flip out after all. She understands that you’re growing up and experiencing new things in your life. She might even have an embarrassing hickey story for you.
